Inner Voices

We all have inner voices. Thoughts and sayings whispering in our ears. Memories being resurfaced that we had dug deep down. How do you picture these voices? They could be a darker you. A voice coming from the dark. Someone you look up to. Someone you fear. A make believe creature. A creature in the form of something you desire. Maybe you have more two. A good and bad. Which do you believe more? Which do you want to believe?

My inner voice takes the shape of a creature from The 13th Reality. It has an ever changing face. Different faces taking the place of the one before it. For me, all the faces are of the people who have ever said something that hurt me. I relieve those moments in which they deeply hurt me. It is my inner demon. And its the one I listen to most.

Do I believe what it says to me? I do. After all, it uses my own memories as its weapons. Do I want to believe it? No. But with so much evidence laid before, yourself as its own witness, you can’t help but believe whatever it says. Maybe that’s why we so often believe the twisted lies it tells to us.

He picks and chooses the memories. It lives in our thoughts, knows which ones will cause the most pain and uses it. He knows our strengths and weaknesses. How can we defeat such an admirable foe?

Simple. If you don’t believe in yourself, how you can you believe in your thoughts and memories? You could, but you I don’t think you should. Believe in things that are said to you that come from people who believe in you. For belief comes in hand with trust. find someone you trust and believe what they say. Master your own inner demons with an ally.

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2015- Another Beginning

Yay for another year. A new beginning. A fresh start. Isn’t that something everyone wish they could have? A new life, new place, new people? I like to think of January as a rebirth. A new beginning. I put my regrets, guilt, lies, problems, stress, and all things I don’t need in my life behind me. I look to the new year and plan how its going to be different. But its not just a matter of looking at the destination but the road I’m going to take.

We all have lots of goals we want to achieve, things we want to do or change, people we want to become. We see what we want, but not how were going to get there. We don’t have a map, and that’s how we get lost and never reach our destination. My first tip? Start small. No baby started off running. They took cautious steps first. They would fall down, but try again. Because they new that that’s what they are meant to do. Small steps to bigger steps to walking to jogging to running.

It takes 21-22 days to form a habit. That’s three weeks. Make a road map that will spread across three weeks. Have a new little goal each week that will help you reach yours big goal. A month seems like a long time, but lives are turned around in just a few days. Think of what you could change for yourself in a month. Take control of your life and future. Stop letting yourself ride the tide. Because I know your better then that. I know you have the strength to do it. Because were all human. We ALL have that inner strength inside of us. If you don’t think you do, remember that its a new year. And you’re a new person.

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Dream

Dream: noun; a succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep. the sleeping state in which this occurs. an object seen in a dream. an involuntary vision occurring to a person when awake. a vision voluntarily indulged in while awake; daydream; reverie. an aspiration; goal; aim. a wild or vain fancy.
Delusion. Fantasy. Idea. Nightmare. Thought. Chimera. Daydream. Hallucination. Reverie. Speculation. Trance. Vagary. Wraith.
Dream can mean, many things. It can be both good and bad. Hopeful and depressing. It can help you reach great places, or it can bring you to great destruction. Its all a matter of what you do with it. What do you do with dreams? What do you think of when you hear “dream?” Do they make you happy? Or sad?
What should they make you feel?
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Prisoner B-8037

I just finished this great book called Prisoner B-8037. Its about a Jewish boy who is 10 when the war starts. He gets sent to a concentration camp at the age of 13. He spends the next three years of his life in and out of different concentration camps.

We can never come close to understanding what it was like for the Jews. When the war ends the Jews are so shocked by all the stuff the Americans give them. They no longer have to share a “bed” with 3 other people. A bed that was a board, nothing comfortable. They get to have a blankets, sheets, and a pillow. They have toothbrushes again. A luxury they can’t ever remember having. They have real food. No soup that’s 90 percent water and a slice of bread that’s hard, old, and probably moldy. Animals were fed better then the Jews were. Their guards would force them to move giant boulders from one end of the room to the other. And then back again. All simply because they could. The Jews were put on cattle trains to be transported. Hundreds would be packed in there. By the end of the trip you would probably have a dead body being pushed against you. You can’t move at all and are stuck next to that dead body for days.

We’ll never know what its like to watch your friends and family beaten, starved, worked to death, whipped, and killed. The Jews lost everything in those concentration camps. They couldn’t even they say they had each other. Everyone wanted to survive. And most would never reach out a hand to help. All they had was themselves. And a tattoo telling them what number they were. Not even a name. A number.

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Adversity- My biggest Difficulty

Figuring out who my friends are. I think that is my biggest difficulty in life. Many times I thought I had friends that I could trust, and that really cared. But as the days went by, that wasn’t true. They told me to trust them, but I found that hard to do when they didn’t seem to care. When I would be feeling down and needing someone to talk to, I could never find them. But through that realization, I found who really did care. I found my real friends. The ones who could read me better then I could read myself. The ones who were constantly making sure I was alright. Never letting a tear go unnoticed. Yes, I miss my other friends, and I still do things with them occasionally, but my real friends never leave my side. We constantly stay up late texting, we prefer each others company to our own families most the time. That’s how close we are, how much we care about each other. Its a friendship that will last forever. A friendship that makes us family. A friendship built purely on care and love.

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Fear

Your heart beats like a bass drum. Your pulse races. You breathe as if you if you’ve been underwater for a long period of time. Your eyesight is sharp. You sweat in the cool of the night. The adrenaline wakes you in an instant.

Fear: a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling (dictionary.com).

Fear is just a feeling. A feeling you get as a reaction to something you find uncomfortable, different, unsettling, or dangerous. To me, fear is all in your head. Keep control of your thoughts, and you have nothing to be afraid of. Fear is in the now. It won’t last forever.

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My Favorite Poem

A DIVINE IMAGE

Cruelty has a human heart,
And Jealousy a human face;
Terror the human form divine,
And Secrecy the human dress.

The human dress is forged iron,
The human form a fiery forge,
The human face a furnace sealed,
The human heart its hungry gorge.

– William Blake

Think on this poem…… It sums up what humans are. Yes it may seem harsh, but we all have at least one of these characteristics in us. None of us are perfect. Its just sad we are cruel. True kindness is so rare out in the world. Its a poem I wish the whole world could understand.

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